Autistic Am I

 Today can be such a weird thing for me.  Today I am determined to make changes in my environment that are more conducive with my needs as an autistic individual. Tomorrow, well I can never really know about tomorrow. My tomorrows rely so heavily on yesterday. How the world affected me yesterday may take more than tomorrow for me to get over. There are so few constants in my life right now, this makes my life all so uncertain. The anxiety of uncertainty manifests itself in so many ways. I truly feel disabled by the pain , pressure, immediacy , and persistence of it. Maybe today will make my tomorrow more bearable. Maybe yesterday will release its grip on today. Maybe yesterday , today and tomorrow will release me from its tightening clutches. Maybe, maybe ,maybe, that’s what life feels like for me today and every day.

 I have been attempting to reach out to my employer for help with my autism since diagnosed more than two years ago. The way this process  has gone is that each time I experience an adverse affect that is caused by my autism I will reach out to my doctor then together, if she decides it’s right, we will reach out to the HR department of my employer. I have seen no attempts by my employer to learn about autism or have any of my coworkers or superiors attend any classes concerning autism so that they may be more sensitive or understanding of the needs I have as an autistic individual. What I have seen is what feels like retaliation for me reaching out to HR for help implementing my doctor’s recommendations. We are assigned online learning  from time to time at work concerning many different subjects  as to educate us on how to handle different situations. I can only recall being assigned one or two at a time and never within a close time period in my 8 years of employm...

 I’m not a rich man. Despite the fact I have autism and the many complex issues that come with it I still have to work to help my wife support our family. I’m in a situation with my employer now where I have begun to question whether or not they will allow me to remain in their employ or if it is healthy for me to do so. An affect of my autism is that I have an anxiety disorder. I have felt physical affects caused by the need of being oncall in my current position. In December of last year while responding to an after hours call while I was oncall I experienced chest pains and went to the ER here at my work. ( I work in a hospital ). There were no signs of any problems with my heart and the physician in the ER told me it was likely anxiety. I had follow up visits with a cardiologist that confirmed there wasn’t an issue with my heart. I still feel the physical and mental affects that my current position causes me because of my autism and subsequent anxiety disorder. My psychologist ...