Poetry

I’ve written poetry since I was an adolescent . I realize now that I’ve done this in an attempt to express my feelings so that I may be able to understand them myself. The more complicated or hurtful the emotion , the more trouble I have understanding them. As a result most of my poems have a “dark” tone to them. I explain this just so a person may know these emotions I express are not how I always feel. My mental state varies to the extremes, my poetry often reflects those extremes .                   

             

     Consequence 

The consequence of being me is easy to see

Eyes shift , tongues lash and thoughts murder all that I try to be.

Recognition of my thoughts 

A goal that seems so aloft.

Confusion is the resolution of the world around

Confliction and Dereliction accusations abound.

Stated resentment of being mis understood

Completion of the desolation of any good

Within my own mind I am forced to live

A lifetime of affliction that ignorance gives.

Rage shared is rage convened.

Reach out to me and we both shall be seen.

Although being seen may not be as fulfilling as it may seem. 

 As strong as I am

As strong as I am, as 

strong as I was,as strong as I’m going to be, Still I can not see if I will have the strength to be what I believe is me.  

Doubt abounds and questions linger

Was it me or some stranger

Did I hurt , did I harm , did I do all those things that now sets off the alarm?

Today, tomorrow, yesterday ,what’s the difference? I fear I am not a strong enough man to serve the sentence

WHO AM I?

Who am I if not me,

Is the person I am not meant to be?

Can anyone but me say this is not me?

Trying to undo what’s been done for so long,

Trying to find a distant me that once felt like home, 

Looking backwards I try to see that little boy that once was me,

The wreckage of my life is sometimes all I see,

Did I turn right when I should have turned left?

If I’d taken another course would I still feel so bereft?

Incomplete is the whole of me,

A lifetime of wondering,

Who am I ,if not me ?

 COMMONALLITY

Is commonality such an important thing? It doesn’t seem so important that others are like me.

 

Is conformity what a society should expect itself to do? And to who’s idea would an entire society conform to.

 To look at each other and say, your ok, you can have what you need today. Or to say No, your not right, you’ll be sleeping out of doors tonight.

 Let’s all form a line, but first let’s decide whom we will leave behind.

 Who does not measure up? Who will not make the cut? Who is not like the rest of us? 

Who is the weakest link, who is not to stay, do we think. 

Who makes us look at ourselves and realize, 

 we are the ones in the disguise.

Me

I am Me

What you say is me I cannot see

You cannot see

The things that are minuscule to you are mountains to me

You always expect the norm

You always condemn when I do not conform

The  divergence  i see  must be equally as odd as me to you as you to me.

Admit you don’t understand as I have admitted to me

Then we can start from the same place 

And maybe we can both see

You are you and I am me.

The previous poem is meant to reflect how I feel when my autism is disclosed or recognized( even if not by name) by someone and I am treated as less than them or an object of their disgust

                                 Start

   The start is always an interesting place. It’s full of excitement and anxiety. Whether it’s something new or familiar , it’s always the beginning. Good or bad, right or wrong , when you look back,  it’s where it will have all begun. When you look ahead it’s the point where all your expectations or fears will manifest themselves. The end is something different , cold , calculated . Where everything equals the sum of its parts. 

    Be it hopeful or fearful , the start is the beginning of unknown events that equal the sum of our hopes. The start will make hearts soar and cause fears to rise , one thing is for certain, beyond the start is where the future lies.

  Life

What is life ?

What is life indeed?

Does life feel the same for you as it does to me?

Do you writhe in pain when in doubt?

Do you celebrate the joy of a delicious taste in your mouth?

Do you have to know what everyone thinks?

Does the stabbing nature of those thoughts leave you yearning for places aloft?

Somewhere you can go and where you can hide with all of life’s thorns ,that it does with every breath provide.

Do you have regrets of being you?

Do you feel sometimes you belong in a zoo?

Can you smell the emotion of shame?

It’s stench , all consuming, for you must be the same.

Can happiness blind you from all that is bad?

Take you to places where you cannot remember ever being sad.

Do you feel the need to reach everyone you encounter?

Does failing to reach anyone leave your psychy in shambles?

Is there a barrier between you and all that you love?

Can you tell me then, how to rise above?

Above all the thoughts , above the divide, above all that separates the reality of your life and mine.