Rules

 Interaction with some people can cause real grief for me.

This is very difficult to describe but I will give it a try .

It doesn’t seem like when a person says “that person is a real pain in my ass” like it’s just an inconvenience to deal with whomever is causing the irritation.

I’m very big on rules . Do unto others as you’d have done unto you, that’s an important one for me.

I don’t engage in horse play or practical jokes at work. I try to be respectful to everyone. 

This is in part because I don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings or otherwise cause a person grief.

It’s also in part because I don’t want to have to deal with my own negative emotions. Part of my autistic experience is that I have limited control over my emotions . Mole hills become mountains in short order and I find myself having to spend way too much energy on attempting to regulate my emotions.

For nuerotypical people this doesn’t seem to be a concern. As a student of human behavior, as a means to survive in a society that I very often have no clue of how to interact with , I have noticed there are nuero types that have no regard for how their words or actions may affect others.

I’m not a doctor so I can’t say for sure but these type people seem to fit the psychopath description. They will concern themselves with things that aren’t any of their concern and don’t seem to care how their negative comments affect others. Maybe they have emotions but they don’t seem to have to measure their own emotions against the harm they are willing to inflict on others.

I’ve recently begun working with a new group at work. As there are in so many groups , there is a bully in this group.

He will concern himself with others personal business that shouldn’t be any concern of his. He will make comments about these things openly to the people in question.

He is a very smart man. He uses his intellect to bully others . It’s the worst kind of bullying if you ask me.

Today , in front of the group , he asked me if I was trained by a person that use to work in this group and isn’t well thought of. To me he seemed to imply that I was deficient in some way.As an autistic individual I have many deficiencies but having them pointed out can be upsetting.

I responded in what a person might consider to be an agressive manner. I simply asked him “why, did I do something stupid?” but my tone reflected my distain for his suggestion.

Emotional regulation is very difficult for me. When events like this happen it’s like I have to do a hard reset and reprogram my cpu to be able to perform simple interactions from that point. 

I’m not naive , I know there will always be people like this in the world. They get to treat people however they like. They don’t have to follow the same rules as me and because of their value to society they are allowed to act like this.

I offer a lot to society as well. The rules I choose to follow are self imposed, not what I think I may be able to get away with. I don’t want to cause anyone grief .

I will spend the next several days/weeks readjusting my persona . I have allowed this individual to believe it’s okay to cause me grief or for him to gain whatever it is he gains with these type actions at my expense.

I’m sure he will not give it another thought, and this seems to be the nuerotypical way. 

Im always building this mechanism in my mind that allows me to interact with people. It’s never perfect. It very often has to be adjusted and at times like this totally overhauled. 

A person might say “just don’t let it bother you” . It feels I have no choice in the matter. 

I will never understand how causing another person pain or grief is acceptable to anyone. 

This is all a very simple explanation for a very complex thing but why not “ do unto others as you’d have done unto you” ?

What a wonderful world it would be if everyone followed that one simple rule.

Update 

It’s been several months since I wrote this post . Upon rereading it I realize that I have misjudged someone. I spoke of a bully. I still believe his actions were of an aggressive nature to suggest to others that they may be wrong by his perceptions but having learned more about him I realize he and I may share certain characteristics. He too may struggle with what is or isn’t socially acceptable. I have made so many social mistakes in my life I realize that I have no place to judge others for making the same mistake. 

Instead of removing the content I felt it more appropriate to point out my own prejudice of an individual that then and still now I barely know. Perhaps his aggression is a form of masking or coping with social interactions. In any case I should have been more compassionate.

When we don’t recognize ignorance and show compassion for others our own ignorance grows.