Social structures and interaction within them

 Social structures of groups are very weird to me.

I guess it’s the sort of thing that’s been going on for millennia

. Who’s on top? Whos next in line ? Who’s ok? Who’s not?Who’s allowed in? Who isn’t?

And for each of those questions there’s also the question of why?

I had a high ranking member of the social structure of my work group share a personal story about his past with several members of the group and myself today.

It was a story about his divorce from his 1st wife. The ordeal sounded terribly hurtful to me but he was making it all sound very amusing.

After he had finished his story I felt the need to reciprocate with an anecdote about my divorce from my 1st wife. It’s wasn’t a funny story nor did I tell it that way. I’m pretty sure it was an awkward subject that wasn’t appropriate for work. Ofcourse I only realized this in hindsight.

It seemed to me the individual was trying to reach out and be a friend and that I should do the same by sharing something personal from my background. Perhaps I should have chosen a more light hearted subject but something of weight seemed to be appropriate to me at the time.

Will my attempt at reciprocation of a perceived offer of friendship and camaraderie help or hinder my chances of being accepted by the group ? Does the fact of any sharing  mean that I have already been accepted?

Participating in social groups has always been very difficult for me. When having social interaction in a one on one setting I am able to “tune” my mask to interact with an individual and have a pleasant conversation.

Whenever  I try and express my own opinions on any given subject a group may be discussing my concrete views tend to bring criticism.

In a social group setting I’m unable to “tune” my mask to one set of values . Attempting to display different values of different individuals is not something I can do because of the contradicting values of the individuals involved in the conversation . 

I will attempt to find shared values of the group so that I may participate and offer something to the conversation but when the compatible values of a particular group is the lowest common denominator, (ie; getting by with the least amount of effort) the group seems to not function efficiently.

Whenever a group has the same goal that motivates them they seem to have more of a structured way of doing things . In a highly structured environment I can thrive. 

If the shared goal of a group is the completion of a task I can excel. My single minded ability of focus that autism gives me is an asset when the goal is completion of a task.

In my experience it is exceedingly rare that an entire group of people share the discipline to reach a shared goal in an efficient manner.

People want different things for different reasons.

How all this fits into the hierarchy of any particular group is a mystery to me.

Who decides what’s best? How do you follow an idea that you do not believe in?

Despite the trouble I have with social structures and interactions I very much enjoy when I am able to participate in them. I am very often blindsided when my contributions to a group conversation illicit strong emotional reactions from others participating. 

This is because of where my ability to empathize lies in the order of my thought process. Empathy is rarely my 1st reaction. When a subject of conversation strikes an emotional chord within me that is always my 1st reaction , that is to say how I feel about a subject is 1st in my mind and therefore 1st to my lips.

This is why I am often silent during group conversations. By the time I have worked out in my mind what I think may be an equitable response to all parties involved the conversation has either moved on or become too heated for me to feel comfortable participating in.

I always reread my posts here multiple times before posting. I’ve reread this post several times now and it seems to not be complete or lack the full thought or idea I have about this subject. I think that is actually a good representation of how I perceive social structures and the interaction within them so I’m “going to print “ as is.