To mask

The following is a post of mine  from another social media app that I made in response to a question posed about the affects of masking in autistic individuals 

There is no place in society for us to not mask, no place for us to be ourselves, even when we disclose our disability, we can’t help but feel everyone’s eyes on us, real or perceived. It’s not the fault of anyone, not society, not NT’s ,not us. It is because of our disability , our mind gives us erroneous information ( which , like a broken clock may sometimes be correct) about social interactions. We are alone, even when we are not. We cannot understand what people are thinking or trying to relay to one another with body language or innuendo, so for us to interact with most people takes a great deal of energy, and I mean real calorie burning energy. Masking exhausts us. Lucky ones , like myself , have a safe harbor with loved ones to be themselves, goofy , eccentric, super emotional and just blank when necessary. Unlucky ones only have themselves and society’s criticisms. They can never escape their own minds, the only outside input they get is that they are incorrect , their basic selves are incorrect and they should change themselves. Masking takes a terrible toll, we can’t control it, we don’t choose to do it, this is at the heart of our disability. imagine being on the other side of a mirror, the only communication you can give is to reflect people back to themselves, that’s a little like what being autistic is, for me anyway