Autism and Faith

 As an autistic individual, participating in large organizations has always been difficult for me. Perhaps Church has been the hardest for me. 

I dont attend church regularly, never have. My parents would tell me to believe in the Bible and its teachings as if it were fact . The only time I would attend church with my parents was around holidays ,mostly Christmas and Easter, these being the two biggest in Christianity.

On the sparse occasions when I would spend the weekends with my paternal grandparents at their home in the country (rural area) they would take me to the church they attended before  returning me home on Sundays.

It was a Methodist church, so if ever asked what denomination I was raised that’s the answer I will give.

The part of the country I live in has been nicknamed “the Bible Belt” because of the large percentage of churchgoers. The church or churches hold great sway in their perspective communities.Even the drunkards would claim Christianity as their own, doing this out of fear of being labeled a Godless heathen and falling out of favor with the vast majority of the community.

I attended church with a friend from time to time during the summer months in my youth, even once with my sister. These were times during the week when parents were typically at work. This was called vacation Bible study as we were on summer vacation from school. I believe it was meant to instill Christian values at an early age.

My differences would soon be noticed by the adults in charge  who would always try to correct my behavior in some way. To my young mind the quotes they would use from their interpretation of the Bible seemed to be suggesting that I was evil, or at least my actions were. This type hurt is very different from the pain inflicted by adults and other students at school. The quotes heard at school just seemed to question my intelligence, not the quality of my soul.

As a result church was never appealing to me. It wasn’t like school where attendance was a government mandate so I wasn’t forced to go. This has always led churchgoing people to look down upon me for not attending church.

The thing is I’ve always talked to God even as a boy (he doesn’t answer with words in case you were wondering 😊) , none that I can hear anyway. It’s more of just a feeling that a course of action may be the right way.

Being kind to one another , I think, is what God wants from us.

Imagine what that would entail and you can see a wonderful world where mankind thrives in peace and happiness.

I had a knee surgically replaced today. The anxiety I’ve been feeling since scheduling the surgery three weeks ago has been continuously building until today. Every negative scenario was racing through my mind as I lay in the surgery preparation room naked except for a hospital gown. Being autistic means I have little to no control over these thoughts.

Shortly before the surgery began the surgeon came in the room to speak to my wife and myself. He is a kindly man. He told my wife and I what to expect as far as surgery time and when my wife would be able to rejoin me.

After he was through explaining the logistics of the surgery he asked me if a wanted him to say a prayer. I said yes and he stood next to the head of the gurney I was lying on , placed his hand on my shoulder and began to pray. I can’t remember the exact words but his prayer, or maybe just the fact that he was praying for me was instantly calming. 

I felt confidence ,or peace maybe, but whatever I was feeling gave me strength to tell my wife I love her when they were wheeling me away without being tearful or revealing my anxiety as I have typically done in similar circumstances in the past.

I felt God in that room through the kind act of the surgeon.

My beliefs in matters of faith are my own, that is to say they aren’t learned from any organization or book.

Throughout my teens and early 20’s I was a doubter. What I realize now is, just as always, it’s mankind that I doubt not the existence of a higher power.

I don’t have any notion of what that higher power is. Further more I don’t think any person is capable of knowing that higher power’s purpose or thoughts (if that’s how it works) beyond what I believe , that kindness is our only acknowledgeable directive.

What a wonderful feeling it is to receive that kindness.