life

 I’ve been thinking about life a lot lately. My mother is at the end of hers.

Too many ailments to list , she’s 82 years old so it would seem that old age is the cause.

I’ve been reflecting on my relationship with her , as well as all the other relationships in my life.

Everything about me is reflected through a lense of autism, because I’m autistic . This can’t be that much different than the lense all peoples experiences are reflected through.

On my journey of understanding myself and how autism has affected my life I have made declarations and statements that must seem so absolute to the reader, as was my intention.

I’m not thinking in absolute terms right now. I’m thinking more compassionately and with more open mindedness.

All the reasons I have  seen and reported from my past ,weird , unconventional life have lost a lot of their gravity on my psyche.

At the end of our time here what does the why of it all really matter? Maybe it doesn’t or shouldn’t. 

Maybe the love I share with the few that I do ,should be the focus of my life, not why I’m different but how I’m so lucky to have the handful of people that I do to share life  and love with.

No struggle, seems to me now , to be worth any of the precious time we are given here.