Angry

 I don’t want to be angry about people not being aware of how autism really is anymore. I was angry , after diagnosis. If it could have been known that I was autistic when I was a boy my life may have turned out very differently. The thought that help could have been had but wasn’t was upsetting to me.

I don’t want to be upset about that anymore. It feels like the more I am angry or rant about how the system isn’t built for autists the worse I feel about myself.

I want to be okay with being myself. I want to not really care when someone looks at me like I’m an idoit. I want for people to not occupy as much space in my head as they do now. It is my head after all. Shouldn’t I be able to invite whoever I want in there?  

Starting  to see the lesson in that. The value of not letting what others think of me matter. Perhaps it was me that wasn’t ok with autists. Maybe self loathing , but I don’t want to be hard on myself either.

I want a space where I can exist being my true self. This place , I think, can only be given to me by me. I am the only one who can make it exist.

Life’s too short to be so hard. 

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